Insecure Men
All relationships have there share of struggles and for many of us they may start to seem normal. However, there are some struggles that may be a sign that you need to heed. Maybe your man is not as secure as he is portraying and it is creating havoc in your relationship. Here are some signs to look out for.
Jealousy
Many people may act jealous but a man who is insecure begins to become overprotective with you in public. He can’t stand the fact that you get so much attention and he may even accuse you of flirting with other men. When another man walks by or is in your presence he will immediately look at you to see if you are looking at him. Because you are not blind, when you look at another man he will say you are flirting and start an argument or a scene right there. Also, he may keep bringing it up over and over again when you are alone with him.
What you might not know is that when he sees another man approaching, he feels insecure. In his mind, the other man makes him feel less than. He doesn’t feel like he measures up on one or more levels. This sends him into a behavior that I call extra ego.
Extra Ego
Extra Ego is when a man puts on and air (and extra one). This is strictly done when he feels insecure. This is a puffed up state physically. He may add more bass to his voice, stick out his chest further, become a bit louder than usual, ignore the other man completely, hold your hand or hug you to claim his possession. He may even change his facial expression from a smile to a frown to hide the insecure image of himself. He will usually become more possessive with you by showing dominance through control.
Controlling
This is when he wants to dominate you by ordering your food or drinks. He will try to control you to the point where your voice is no longer heard. He does not like women who are opinionated or who express themselves so he will try to control your friends. He won’t understand why you want to go out so he will want you to stay at home. If you do have to go out he wants to know where you are at and give you a time to get back. Eventually, he will not want you communicating with your family and or friends. His plan is to cut off all other outward influences.
Fault Finder-Super Critical— He puts you down in public and
privately.
He cannot stand to be outdone. If you show that you are intelligent, creative,
and/or independent—He will find things that you do wrong and always bring them
up. He becomes argumentative about the smallest of things just to make you feel
small and belittled. Arguments are never fun. They will often end with you
felling less than. If you are not careful he will try to give you his
insecurity.
Remember, love gives and so does insecurity. People can only give you what they possess. When they possess love they can give it. However, when they are insecure they can only give insecurity to you. No matter how much they tell you that they love you they cannot change until their inner picture changes (self-image). Until this happens their default program will be insecurity and you will receive all of the negative emotions that come from being with someone who is insecure. The end result will be emotional abuse.
- Emotional abuse is an attempt to control, in just the same way that physical abuse is an attempt to control another person. Andrea Mathews LPC, NCC
- “Any abusive behavior that isn’t physical, which may include verbal aggression, intimidation, manipulation, and humiliation, which most often unfolds as a pattern of behavior over time that aims to diminish another person’s sense of identity, dignity and self-worth… One Love Foundation
The most important thing is that you take care of yourself. Love yourself, know your worth, and set boundaries. If you are in a relationship that you feel is abusive seek a support network, take care of yourself physically and if needed seek professional help.
Written by Allen Forbes
Author of Sandbox Personalities
When Grown-ups Act Like Toddlers Playing In A Sandbox
