Tag: mindset

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Workplace Rivalry and Conflict

Getting over it… Conflict and Rivalry in the Workplace

Imagine that you are a balloon filled with air and that someone is hitting, kicking, squeezing you or perhaps sticking you with a pin. The end result would be that your air would be loss and you might be damaged. This would probably leave you hurt and discouraged. While I hope this is not your case, this is what many feel like after workplace and personal interactions with others.

Let’s say that the air in your balloon represents your ideas, creativity and your self image. Now imagine that someone is trying to squeeze and put pressure on you like with the balloon exercise mentioned above. The end result for many would be defensiveness. Whenever we feel attacked we usually behave defensively to protect ourselves.  When we act defensively we began to cover up, protect, resist attack, and our actions become reactionary. If this behavior continues it will breed contempt, division, anger and unhealthy competition with others. Progress is stunted because you cannot be creative and defensive at the same time. This mindset can easily creep into a team or relationship and before you know it there is a toxic environment where people, processes, and production can’t advance.

This leads many to hold onto a GRUDGE. This six letter word can stop a team, marriage, interpersonal relationship and yes a company from flourishing. I have seen grudges between VPs of the same fortune 500 hundred company that have led to conflicts within the organization. It caused directors and managers under each respective VP to continue the conflict with each due to the VP’s dispute. The grudge actually trickled down from the top. Due to a personal grudge, internal support was lacking within the organization. This caused division, dysfunction and productivity loss. The end result was an organization trying to provide for its customers with a damaged company core and a struggling team dynamic.

How do we get through an impasse? How do we move from an unhealthy relationship to one that is healthy and productive for the team? The best way to get rid of a grudge is to walk in forgiveness. This is not as easy to do as it is to say. However, the truth of the matter is that there will not be any significant growth to the team or organization without it. Sure the team can operate in dysfunction and caring on daily task but morale, production and team creativity will be low.  Low morale equals low productivity. Here are three points about holding a grudge and walking in un-forgiveness with others.

1. Un-forgiveness causes you to live in the past

2. You can’t move forward looking backwards

3. Un-forgiveness is like driving down I-95 S toward South Carolina while looking backwards…you will soon wreck!

However, forgiveness causes you to be free from the toxic mindset of revenge. It also shows that you are a strong person. Moving pass a wrong/perceived wrong causes you to have a stronger self image and demonstrates self-control.

Consider our example with the balloon except now your air is in a metal tank.  The same things can happen to you (as in our example) but now your air is protected by a strong healthy self image. You are in control of self and forgiving is a part of you. This is not to say that you need to be defensive or have a hard exterior (like a tank). Instead, you will have a healthy internal picture of self. A picture that is powerful and positive which will put you in control of your actions. This will cause you to be responsive not reactionary.

You can use this personal power in a positive way that attracts peace, unifies teams, and promotes advancement. Your efforts will produce a good a positive change for you and those around you. When a positive mindset of the people in the relationship (team or organization) change, the dynamic of all those involved will shift in a positive way. Often just a little shift in a team mindset can have an amazing affect on behavior, productivity and the culture of the organization.

Allen Forbes
Author and Corporate Speaker

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Help! I work with a Narcissist

Narcissist In The Workplace?

He did it again, he thinks that he is superior! She is so entitled and selfish! Have you ever thought or said this about someone at work or even your boss. It could be that you work with or for a Narcissist.  

In order to know for sure let me define what some narcissist personality traits are. A Narcissist is a person who has an excessive interest or admiration in themselves. They often lack empathy and have an exaggerated sense of self-importance. They operate from a perspective of superiority and they believe that is okay to be overbearing, bullying and takers.

The accumulation of things is evidence of control to a Narcissist, and that control; whether it is material, or a relationship – is important. Their mindset is: “control equals power.” They love to take control in their relationships. However, their aim is not necessarily to make the other person weak, the aim is to maintain their dominant position.

Unfortunately, a Narcissist will often view those who do not have control as weak and not worthy of respect. Therefore, when working with or having interactions with others, the ideas and contributions of ‘weaker folks” are not acknowledged.

Working with someone of this caliber is a killer to morale and can destroy a company culture faster than you can strike a match. Trying to match intensity with a Narcissist will be futile and cause more harm than good. However, you don’t have to become passive, be assertive and set boundaries. Your best approach is to always be your best and highest self. Lead by example and show them that there is a better way.

Show them how to give (serve) and invite them to experience the satisfaction that comes from giving and serving others. Let them see you use persistence positively (not bullying) for the benefit of the team. Show them how to be assertive and not overly aggressive. Most importantly, show them that they need to take responsibility for their actions. Modeling this behavior can help them to realize that their true wealth lies within their character. Sometimes we have to be the change that we want to see in others before they can change.

A few other tips…

  • Spend time with people who give you an honest reflection of who you are.In order to maintain perspective and avoid buying into the narcissist’s distortions, it’s important to spend time with people who know you as you really are and validate your thoughts and feelings. Helpguide.org (Source)

  • Maintain a positive outlook.
    If you are dealing with narcissists who derive pleasure from watching others suffer, then seeing the pain they cause will only egg them on to more aggressive counter-behavior. Don’t look ruffled, even if you’re feeling annoyed, and eventually that behavior will diminish in frequency. Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D. (Source)
  • In data from 37,000 college students, narcissistic personality traits rose just as fast as obesity from the 1980s to the present, with the shift especially pronounced for women. The rise in narcissism is accelerating, with scores rising faster in the 2000s than in previous decades. The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement (Source)

Blog by Allen Forbes
Author, Speaker and Team Building Guru
info@AFspeaks.com


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